As I wrote about the other day today we had a meeting with our adoption counselor. She met us near our house and we spoke at great length about our concerns regarding the additional medical information that was requested. After talking about it for a long time I do feel better about it. It seems like there is a general form from DCFS that everyone takes to their doctor and the doctor fills out. On the form are a variety of different health conditions. The doctor then checks off what conditions one has and what medications they are on. If someone is on medication or they have any health conditions the doctor then is asked to provide a letter explaining in more detail the health of their patient.
It gets a little confusing because on the form it asks what conditions you have and asks a variety of questions about if the doctor has any concerns about you adopting a child. The form asks questions about one's ability to parent a child and if they could do a variety of different things. If you can't do these things or the doctor believes that there is any reason due to your health that you wouldn't be fit to parent a child that would be marked on the form. This is where I get a little bit confused. Why do they need additional information certifying what your health conditions are.. if they are listed on the form and the doctor has already on the form said, there is no reason why their health would cause them to have have issues adopting a child. The only thing I can reason out would be that depending on the health condition you have the social work agency may determine independently of the doctor that the condition you have would disqualify you from adopting. I really can't reason it out in any other way.
The explanation from our counselor was that the original DCFS medical form was just an initial medical 'checklist'. On the health section of the homestudy they will then use quotes from the health documentation you provide to talk about your health and how it will play a role in your life as a parent. Because we are using a large private agency we have to abide by the rules, regulations and policies that they have. They have a board they answer to and they are required to using their words 'due diligence' to investigate a couple clinically.
As a side note: Teddy Bear Agency views counseling as a helpful and beneficial process. They don't view it as a negative thing and they are also requesting a letter from my therapist that talks about in a general sense what we work on in therapy. The amount of evidence they want for the file is vast.
If I keep in mind the fact that this process is invasive, difficult and hard for everyone but that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that we will get there in the end... I feel better about the process. I have to remember that the process is a series of steps that everyone must take. When you want something so badly and you feel vulnerable it makes everything even more difficult. I know resilience and patience are what will get us through this process. It has already been a long time and I am sure it is going to be a really long time before the process is over.. but as I get older I think about all the time that has past and realize that although the days can be long.. the years are short. I want nothing more than to have a child and to become a mother. We are walking this journey and will receive our dream.
When I think about time, I realize I have been married for almost 5 years. I can't believe this. I just can't believe that I have been a homeowner for almost 5 years and I have been wife for the same. I can only think of 1 friend who is still married and has been married for almost the same amount of time, I have been married. She has experienced some ups and downs in her marriage and it is a little bit rocky but I do hope they will stay together. They do not have any children yet.
Fertility
When I think of my age I think I am getting old. I have begun thinking about fertility and thinking about everything surrounding fertility. I spoke with my therapist about seeking out a fertility doctor and learning more about options I have regarding fertility treatments. The truth is that I have not done this yet. We tried having a baby together for about a year and a half. After we were unsuccessful I didn't pursue any fertility treatments because I have really bad anxiety about medical treatments. I am always afraid of all the tests, procedures and 'what if's' that come along with medical treatment. This is holding me back... big time. My anxiety is holding me back from my dreams. This is really important and the more that I read about fertility the more I realize that if you are under the age of 35, the question is more.. what treatment is going to work successfully to get pregnant ? ... and not if you are going to be able to get pregnant.
This is really important for me because I want a baby desperately. We want a child more than anything in this world. Today when we were talking with our adoption counselor we were talking about the many different things that we will love to do together with our child. Things like going to the zoo, pumpkin patch, park, beach, playing outside and in the backyard. All of these things including holidays are so important to us. We want them more than anything and want to share them with a child. I have dreams of having multiple children. I want no less than 2 children but more likely want 4 or 5 children. I have to get a grip on my anxiety so I can reach my dreams.
I may start a fertility log, just like I started an adoption timeline/log on here. At the very least it will give me a trackable timeline of events. I have made an appointment with a really good fertility clinic. I looked up fertility rates and this clinic has IVF rates in the 60%. This is so much higher than the chance you have in an average cycle of a successful pregnancy. I owe it to myself and to T that we try fertility. Especially because the biggest reason why I did not explore it was because of my anxiety. I brought it up with my counselor and she agrees with me that yes, I have probably not explored fertility options because of my anxiety.
I asked her what I can do about my anxiety and she said I should work on CBT. She said that although I have been in counseling and we have been talking through things we have not really worked on any type of targeted anxiety interventions. I would agree with this because when I go and see her we just talk about what has happened in my life. Situations. We do not work on anxiety specifically but I think that we should. I used to take medicine for my anxiety but I do not take it anymore. I think it could be helpful but there are other reasons why I am not taking it at this point. Because it is so important to me that I have a child ... it is important to me that I work on my anxiety so I can explore fertility options. What would be the best case scenario is that it would be something simple and quick that would help us get pregnant. We haven't explore this and so we just don't know what will happen. It is the next logical step.
I do have an appointment with a fertility clinic set up. I will add a fertility log and post more about it as time goes on. One of the most important things that I keep thinking is that there are definitely relatively low risk and intervention options that can be explored before IVF. I think because I have PCOS it will be difficult but there are options and I need to cross that road and explore the options.
XOXO,
Hopefully waiting to be a Mommy
It gets a little confusing because on the form it asks what conditions you have and asks a variety of questions about if the doctor has any concerns about you adopting a child. The form asks questions about one's ability to parent a child and if they could do a variety of different things. If you can't do these things or the doctor believes that there is any reason due to your health that you wouldn't be fit to parent a child that would be marked on the form. This is where I get a little bit confused. Why do they need additional information certifying what your health conditions are.. if they are listed on the form and the doctor has already on the form said, there is no reason why their health would cause them to have have issues adopting a child. The only thing I can reason out would be that depending on the health condition you have the social work agency may determine independently of the doctor that the condition you have would disqualify you from adopting. I really can't reason it out in any other way.
The explanation from our counselor was that the original DCFS medical form was just an initial medical 'checklist'. On the health section of the homestudy they will then use quotes from the health documentation you provide to talk about your health and how it will play a role in your life as a parent. Because we are using a large private agency we have to abide by the rules, regulations and policies that they have. They have a board they answer to and they are required to using their words 'due diligence' to investigate a couple clinically.
As a side note: Teddy Bear Agency views counseling as a helpful and beneficial process. They don't view it as a negative thing and they are also requesting a letter from my therapist that talks about in a general sense what we work on in therapy. The amount of evidence they want for the file is vast.
If I keep in mind the fact that this process is invasive, difficult and hard for everyone but that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that we will get there in the end... I feel better about the process. I have to remember that the process is a series of steps that everyone must take. When you want something so badly and you feel vulnerable it makes everything even more difficult. I know resilience and patience are what will get us through this process. It has already been a long time and I am sure it is going to be a really long time before the process is over.. but as I get older I think about all the time that has past and realize that although the days can be long.. the years are short. I want nothing more than to have a child and to become a mother. We are walking this journey and will receive our dream.
When I think about time, I realize I have been married for almost 5 years. I can't believe this. I just can't believe that I have been a homeowner for almost 5 years and I have been wife for the same. I can only think of 1 friend who is still married and has been married for almost the same amount of time, I have been married. She has experienced some ups and downs in her marriage and it is a little bit rocky but I do hope they will stay together. They do not have any children yet.
Fertility
When I think of my age I think I am getting old. I have begun thinking about fertility and thinking about everything surrounding fertility. I spoke with my therapist about seeking out a fertility doctor and learning more about options I have regarding fertility treatments. The truth is that I have not done this yet. We tried having a baby together for about a year and a half. After we were unsuccessful I didn't pursue any fertility treatments because I have really bad anxiety about medical treatments. I am always afraid of all the tests, procedures and 'what if's' that come along with medical treatment. This is holding me back... big time. My anxiety is holding me back from my dreams. This is really important and the more that I read about fertility the more I realize that if you are under the age of 35, the question is more.. what treatment is going to work successfully to get pregnant ? ... and not if you are going to be able to get pregnant.
This is really important for me because I want a baby desperately. We want a child more than anything in this world. Today when we were talking with our adoption counselor we were talking about the many different things that we will love to do together with our child. Things like going to the zoo, pumpkin patch, park, beach, playing outside and in the backyard. All of these things including holidays are so important to us. We want them more than anything and want to share them with a child. I have dreams of having multiple children. I want no less than 2 children but more likely want 4 or 5 children. I have to get a grip on my anxiety so I can reach my dreams.
I may start a fertility log, just like I started an adoption timeline/log on here. At the very least it will give me a trackable timeline of events. I have made an appointment with a really good fertility clinic. I looked up fertility rates and this clinic has IVF rates in the 60%. This is so much higher than the chance you have in an average cycle of a successful pregnancy. I owe it to myself and to T that we try fertility. Especially because the biggest reason why I did not explore it was because of my anxiety. I brought it up with my counselor and she agrees with me that yes, I have probably not explored fertility options because of my anxiety.
I asked her what I can do about my anxiety and she said I should work on CBT. She said that although I have been in counseling and we have been talking through things we have not really worked on any type of targeted anxiety interventions. I would agree with this because when I go and see her we just talk about what has happened in my life. Situations. We do not work on anxiety specifically but I think that we should. I used to take medicine for my anxiety but I do not take it anymore. I think it could be helpful but there are other reasons why I am not taking it at this point. Because it is so important to me that I have a child ... it is important to me that I work on my anxiety so I can explore fertility options. What would be the best case scenario is that it would be something simple and quick that would help us get pregnant. We haven't explore this and so we just don't know what will happen. It is the next logical step.
I do have an appointment with a fertility clinic set up. I will add a fertility log and post more about it as time goes on. One of the most important things that I keep thinking is that there are definitely relatively low risk and intervention options that can be explored before IVF. I think because I have PCOS it will be difficult but there are options and I need to cross that road and explore the options.
XOXO,
Hopefully waiting to be a Mommy